I feel like crap and I am really angry tonite. Not sleeping even though I took my nite meds... Ugh. Keep thinking about my ex best friend who fucked me over.
As soon as I was diagnosed and told her she was oh, SO upset, and then as my treatments progressed she was about as supportive as a doorknob. And had the nerve to tell me the last time I spoke to her that I didn't support HER. She has constantly and continuously forgotten every damn time in the last 40 years that I stood up for her, and drooped everything to help her or just be there with her, even at the expense of my kids and relationship. She goes thru men like she goes thru beer and uses people to get what she wants. I'm tired of feeling like I did something wrong. And I don't know what to do about it. I get it, she cant handle being at the hospital, I turned her invites to the bar down more than I actually went. But when it counted, when I really needed her, she showed up ONCE. One fucking time. Forty years of friendship. Fuck you too.
Any advice???? Tell me "Friend who SUX"story!
At church today ( yes, CHURCH) we had an interesting sermon about forgiveness, and how you need to forgive everyone you feel has done something to you, whatever it may be so that you will be set free from the past, and start healing.
I have a whole lot to say on this subject and a whole lot of forgiving and healing to do. I wonder if it really is true that if you start to forgive, let the pain go, if it improves your life. It would have to wouldn't it? I mean if you didn't have these "evil" thoughts or resentments built up in your heart, soul, whatever, if you let it go wouldn't you feel better? But how do you really let it go? Sure you can say " I forgive you" but does it ever really leave you?
I have a hard time believing that if I say I forgive someone for something that they have done, that sometime down the road it's not gonna come out and rear it's ugly head, kinda the way my boyfriend throws my past mistakes up in my face every time we have a fight. I want to feel free of these demons and if I doubt the out come will it then not work?
Maybe if you write it out as well as actually talk it out with the person it would be cathartic as well. Since there are probably people who you can't actually see and talk to writing about the perceived "crime" could be the best way to free that.
How many times in your life has there been someone who has done something, big or small that may need letting go? Are there things that can never be forgiven?
Forgive is a pretty big word when you think about it. It gives you the ability to hurt someone, and the ability to absolve someone, weather you mean it or not.
Can you forgive a murderer? What about someone who killed through thoughtlessness, like a drunk driver? Or someone who made such an impact in your life that you carry it each and every day of your life, something that damaged your psyche in a way that formed who you are today? How about the person that caused your nightmares ?
Then think about the people who just caused some minor hurt, they talked about you, told lies about you, did something mean to you in High school/grade school? What about the boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband who cheated on you? Do you then forgive the cheater or the person they cheated with? Or both?
To forgive someone, you have to live their paradigm, you have to put your self in their shoes and live it. Do you then discover that maybe you are the one who took much more malice from it then they actually intended, (excluding a murderer anyway).
Can we forgive the woman who was abused throughout her marriage, who turns the tables and kills her abuser? Do you think that the mother of the abuser would feel the same?What about a rapist? How about a child molester? I don't know if I can.
I wonder if I can forgive the people that have hurt me in my life.
My husband, my best friend, my half-sister, my ex-sister in law, the other son, the rapist. I just dont know if I can forgive, cause doesn't that mean letting go? Sometimes I wonder, if I let go of the anger, if there will be anything left of me?
