Ugh, what a horrible
night last night.Canceled my mamogram cuz of the crappy snow, then later SOL and I had a HUGE fight; I ended up crying myself to
sleep. It was stupid and mostly my fault as I overreacted to something stupid,
I’m miserable and in pain I wish I could somehow explain to him and everyone
else how it actually feels to be in this much pain all of the time. My knees
are awful, the swelling has mostly gone away but I still I can’t sit
comfortably, it is so horrid to get up after I’ve been sitting, I can’t stand,
walk up or down the stairs or even lay down without A LOT of pain meds. It
seems like every day it’s a new pain and I feel like a hypochondriac, I know
SOL thinks I’m turning into my sister…
The band played
Thursday and Saturday night and I powered thru but MY GOD it hurt! Ever sense
we played 2/16 my knees have been swelled beyond belief. I was hoping that the
beer would make it go away and am quite sure that I drank top many, especially
since I was taking Vicodin along with it… amazing that my liver is still
functioning.
I know that I shouldn’t
be so damn reckless I know that there are people in worse shape than I am who
would trade for my misery in a minute.. I am ungrateful sometimes for my second
chance. I am quite sure it is the cancer drugs that are causing this, I have an
appointment with an Orthopedic Doc next month but I beginning to wonder if I
can wait any longer.. Maybe I need to see a rheumatologist instead… or just go
back to bed and pull the covers over my head.. sleep for a thousand years….. I’m
such a whiney bitch lately, I don’t even want to be around me. I just need to
suck it up.
