Monday, January 28, 2013

And then he replied...

Kisha and I have had 4 years of complete happiness, and then we met. You know, a relationship requires commitment, but then again, so does insanity. Seriously though, Kisha is a good woman, she always forgives me when she’s wrong and rarely calls the police when I flash people in the park… OK, here’s what... really happened. One day Kisha and a co-worker were laughing at the losers on a dating site when her co-worker came across a picture and exclaimed “I dated that douchebag!” So as a cruel practical joke she fixed us up and told Kisha to take me out to see a country music band and even funnier, bring a friggin’ chaperone! Well, guess what, the joke is on you Tina, the joke is on you!! Because within minutes of meeting her I had already gotten her to 3rd base! Third Base Bar and Grill in La Porte that is…

Kidding aside… Today is our 4 year anniversary; we’ve had some really great times, and faced some tough challenges. Together we’ve partied until sunrise, stood on the Golden Gate Bridge, snuggled on the couch watching movies, and as an encore we even kicked cancer’s ass! Even though we drive each other crazy sometimes I know that together we can overcome anything and have a sense of humor about it. I wouldn’t trade the last 4 years for anything and I look forward to many more years of us growing together. I heard her sing on our first date, tonight I will hear her sing again, and how can you beat that?

Happy Anniversary Sweetie!! I Love You!!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Happy Annivarsary!!

Four years ago today, I went on a date with a sweet, funny guy who I thought was just a little too “nice”. I didn’t know much about him, other than my friend knew him and said he was a good guy.  He didn’t complain that night when I dragged him to a dive bar to listen to a country band, (He HATES country music!)  He didn’t complain and even seemed to have fun when I then dragged him to a hole-in-the-wall bar to meet my strange friends and sing Karaoke. Hours later, he kissed me goodnight next to my car in the freezing cold, all the while knowing my friends were watching us to make sure I was safe.  

I wasn’t sure I would go out with him again when I left that night, I didn’t know if either of us was going to take a chance and see if one date would turn into more.. It did.

This wonderful man stood by my side through Breast Cancer and never wavered. He was there both times they took me off to surgery, held my hand thru chemo and radiation, went to every doctor’s appointment, asked questions, took notes and researched every procedure. He explained things to my kids and family when I couldn’t; made sure that I had anything I wanted or needed for a year of treatments then again helped me when I had to have reconstructive surgery twice in 3 months on my hand. He supports me in everything I do or want to do.

He puts up with my family and the drama that comes with it, treats my children as if they are his own and has infinite patience.

 He understands me like no one ever has.

I know that I would have never gotten through the last two years without this wonderful man. I do not know how I got so lucky!

 Every day I thank whatever force brought us together and I don’t think I could love anyone more. If ever there was the perfect person for me, he is it, my heart, my soul, my world, my everything. I hope that we have many more happy years together!

Thank you my love for being everything I ever needed, and for that very first date, four years ago today..

 Happy Anniversary!!!  I love you!!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Guess the quote!!! *Prize* to winner!

“We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.”------ ???-------


This is a really great quote, I wish everyone followed, but you may be surprised to learn where it comes from.  You figure it out, or know it, put your answers in the comment section, winner gets a prize*!!





*(Prize is just the personal satisfaction of being a smarty pants!)




I bitch a lot. I bitch about stupid things and I bitch about important things, of course these are stupid and important  to me.

I’m sick of looking in the mirror and still doing a double take, I miss my long hair. This short curly chemo mop I have IS NOT ME.

I’m sick of the fucking hot flashes that soak my clothes and at night, my bed. And. It makes me really angry that I can’t do a damn thing about it. None of the “safe” alternatives have worked yet.

AND I have had all I can take of this foot thing. Peripheral neuropathy.  You can’t see it, it doesn’t leave any marks… it just feels like I have taken a slow stroll over hot coals while my feet are asleep. And first thing in the morning? ( If I have been able to sleep) My feet feel like they are going to split apart with every step. Last week I was walking out in the snow. BAREFOOT. Actually that probably wasn’t  the smartest thing I could have done but none-the-less it worked till the blue tinge went away…

Every time I do anything “fun” or that I enjoy, my feet have the need to remind me that they are there… burning, tingling. I wear my cute shoes? PAIN. Go shopping with my daughters? PAIN sit on the couch watching TV? PAIN.  I AM SICK OF IT!  

For fucks sake wasn’t it enough that I had to have half of my breast removed and ALL of my lymph nodes, did 52 chemo treatments, 35 radiation and have to take this stupid “anti-hormone” pill for the next 5 years( 10yrs if you read the new research) didn’t I give it my all? Didn’t I “fight like a girl” ? Arent I a “survivor”?? Its been a year DAMN IT!

 I have courage, hope, strength, and/or stupidity, someday I’ll figure that out but right now I just want to cut my feet off.

Vicodan here I come.  All I can do. Bitch out.

Thursday, January 3, 2013


It is amazing how angry I feel right now. I honestiy l am trying to forgive or at least make peace but my heart wont let me. I just have so much hate for that person... so much hate. Thanks for ruining such huge part of my life, and thanks for insuring that I will never be able to forget. BASTARD. Im sure the drug store thanks you to for the gd freaking ativan I have to take just to get thru this night like so many before.

I wish my mother had aborted you.I wish that asshole who left her alone and pregnant had stayed around to raise you and that you were not such a piece of shit. 
 I wish MY father had killed you. He would have if he had known, what you did to me.... if I had not been too afraid to tell.

 I could hurt YOU so much more. How would you like the whole of this town and the next to know what you are? To know what you did to me and God only knows to who else. Your daughters? We know you like little girls, dont you? And the gossip mongers LOVE to talk.... Bet that would cause some problems with your little business, and affect your family.