Friday, September 14, 2012
Not sleeping once again. Like a fool I took a nap after PT today, so now I’m awake at 3am. High but awake!
Feeling crappy about my weight. Everyone else I watch time after time in chemo lose weight like crazy! Only I could actually GAIN 50 lbs! Damn it I barley recognize myself when I look in the mirror. My joints all hurt, my freaking hands and feet are constantly burning or tingling, my mouth burns and tastes like crap.... OH YEAH, my fucking hair is gone! My only vanity. I had long red hair my whole life, now I’m walking around like a freaking deranged Little Orphan Annie! I know I know, I should be grateful just to be alive... and I am but DAMN it I’m angry about the whole thing... And its late, I’m awake, I’m stressing about going to RPtown tomorrow night where I will see people I haven’t in months, I want to look good and instead I look like a Fat Q-tip. I don’t know why I care but I do