Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Tired and sad. Angry and mad.

There are these weird days when I just feel alone. I don't know if it is a shift in my meds (I cut a few out) or if it is just the crappy weather. I'm equal parts sad, angry and just feel alone. I am making efforts to make the changes I need to make to feel better for me and about me it is just such a slow process when I want instant, easy results. SOL tells me that it is going to be hard, and it is going to suck most of the time.. he is right and it doesn't help!
 I've been having a terrible time holding my rage in.. I just about ripped the  Pharmacy Tech a new asshole because instead of letting me know my scripts where ready they filed them and neglected to call my name as I sat there for an extra 15 minutes.  Its not as if I had any where I needed to be at that moment it just really made me so mad! Why bother with the huge "WAITING" on the damn info sheet stapled to the front of the bag  if they are going to fucking ignore it???
My family is driving me Between #1 not helping with bills but having plenty of money to do whatever she wants to do and #2 with her head in the clouds I am just about ready to pull my ridiculously STILL curly freaking hair out of my head.. I don't even want to think about the 30 times a day my sister calls.. to whine and annoy me even more.
So much BS is going on with the band I am not sure if we are ever going to play again its just the one stupid asshole screwing around with the way things are, "lets all fix what is not broken."
dumb ass
. I'm tired of feeling this way, tired of not being happy. Tired of feeling like everyday is too much of a struggle to get out of bed. Tired of trying to figure out how I am going to pay the bills without an income and no job prospects on the horizon. I'm tired of the pain in my heart and in my body and I am honestly not sure what to do to pull myself out again.
I'm just so tired.

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